SUBJECT: Murphy Pendleton's beautiful and elusive wife
COMPLAINT: Unreceptive to my advances.

SUBJECT: Small Grimes
COMPLAINT: Attempted to charge me an admission fee for access to the bathroom.

SUBJECT: Maria Hill
COMPLAINT: Presses every button on the lifts.

SUBJECT: Octavia
COMPLAINT: 1. Measure the Rice and Water: For most rice, use a 1:2 ratio of one cup of rice to two cups of water.

2. Boil the Water: Bring the water to boil in a small sauce pan. Rice expands as it cooks, so use a saucepan large enough to accommodate.

3. Add the Rice: When the water has come to a boil, stir in the rice and bring it back to a gentle simmer.

4. Cover and Cook: Cover the pot and turn the heat down to low. Don't take off the lid while the rice is cooking — this lets the steam out and affects the cooking time. Start checking the rice around 18 minutes for white rice and 30 minutes for brown rice. When done, the rice will be firm but tender, and no longer crunchy.

5. Turn Off the Heat and Remove the Lid: When the rice is done, turn off the heat and take off the lid. Fluff the rice with a spoon or a fork.

SUBJECT: Emma Swan
COMPLAINT: won't stop snogging her one-handed boyfriend when she thinks no one is looking. WE'RE LOOKING. we see it. we don't want to.

SUBJECT: Takeshi
COMPLAINT: Shady character, definitely hiding something, possibly hiding it inside that panda.

SUBJECT: Malia
COMPLAINT: have caught her licking walls. no explanation. she licks the wall, makes eye contact with me, and walks away. this has happened on several occasions.

SUBJECT: Remus Lupin
COMPLAINT: a little TOO nice. it's suspicious. uses your first name all the time and it feels weirdly like an insult? gets shirty if you lick him. nice smile. suspicious.

SUBJECT: Marty Mikalski
COMPLAINT: ate all my crisps.

SUBJECT: Kate Bishop
COMPLAINT: There are three dark-haired women who use bows and arrows on this ship and frankly it's difficult to keep them all straight. Kate Bishop should take one for the team and go blonde.

SUBJECT: Allison
COMPLAINT: No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no that is not how you make a sandwich.

SUBJECT: Dean Winchester
COMPLAINT: Thinks he's intimidating. & he is. He's very intimidating. Please stop him from making any additional network posts. I am afraid.

SUBJECT: Zoë Washburne
COMPLAINT: uses my name as an insult in conversations with others, and then tells me that 'that's just what [my name] means!' it isn't. I know it isn't. stop lying.